new layoutt.

likee it?

anyways, eighth grade is almost over.

in 19 hours. i will be a freshman.

and then i will be in south carolina after a six hour drive.

this year sucked. i don't want to talk about it cos it makes me mad thinking about it. it really does.

so this is goodbye.

Bleh.

8th grade year is almost over.

Basically it sucked. With exceptions for a few moments.

Going to the beach next weekend.

Fucking stoked.

Currently Listening Destination: Beautiful By Mae Last Call see related

Cinco de Mayo.

Today was awful. I don't know why I have to most negative comments to start out my Xanga entries. Anyways, don't ask me why it sucked. It just did. Nothing went right. Band concert didn't go the way I wanted it to. It rained. It was brutally cold. I sucked. My head hurts like crazy.

I just got done sending Spencer some songs. That boy is very funny. He made my day a little better.

I try and put people before myself. I just want to make them happy. That's all. I just wish it was easy to do as it is easy to say. Throughout my life, I think I've been extremely selfish. I always want whats better for me, and could give a crap about anyone else. Now, if someone wants to sit in the window seat on an airplane, or wants the last cookie in the lunch line, or needs an extra .50 cents to get a bottled water, I always offer. It's weird cos people used to ask me, "Hey do you have an extra fifty cents?" and then I'd say, knowing full well that I had the 50 cents, "No. Sorry."

Also, tonight I realized when someone asks me a simple question, I go into a long explanation. I just can't simply answer the question. I want people to know me, and have a full conversation with me. Because when people ask you what you're doing, and your response is "Nothing", I can tell you, it won't start much of a convo. So if you have a problem of me explaining things and going in depth, I have to words for you: SUCK IT.

Okay I'm going to go read now.

Well, today was a better day for me. Maybe because they weren't there. But either way it was decent. I'm getting math better. Language Arts is fun this poetry project thing even though we don't really write our stuff. Kinda lame actually.

I'm confused on boys. So don't get on that topic with me.

I miss the beach a lot. I wanted to go this weekend for Easter. But we aren't. As far as I know. And that really makes me sad. I love the beach. You have no idea how much I love just being there and breathing in the salty air and seeing the people who are happy and seeing the beautiful places and just being free of any problem I have. And I just go there to get away and ride my bike and listen to music. It's my escape. A place of my own. A place where I can just relax and not worry...

Yesterday diving was good. I had to talk to John about learning new dives. And yesterday I did inward two and a half tuck on three, and inward one and a half pike on one. I'm glad I talked to John about it. I'm not scared of the dives in the slightest, especially when I know I can do them.

I'm glad this year is coming to an end. Although I have the spend all my summer at the Tech diving, it means I have more of a chance to make it to Nationals. And see all my friends. I also can't wait for the band lock in. Krista and I are going to party hardy all night. Literally.

Currently Reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower By Stephen Chbosky see related

You know, I hate the breaks from school. Honestly. I think too much and then I get upset because things just don't go the way I have them planned.

Like for instance. Not naming any names or anything. Basically a bunch of my good friends were hanging out after I specifically told them to call me if we were doing anything. They call me? Heck no. "I'm sorry, Ansley, we forgot!" WTF. I'm the one who always, ALWAYS makes those plans to hang out. But no. Forget about Ansley. She's at home anyways. No need to call her! I wouldn't have minded so much if it wasn't that someone else went. Some one who is fake as faux fur. Probably faker. To put it nicely, they're just a  foam cubical weasel. And if they don't have their way, they pout to make everyone feel about about them. And to tell you the truth, if they go on anymore of MY nights with MY friends- the true friends that I can laugh with and be normal around- can't even be normal around them, and it hurts to see them. I hate this person with a great passion, and I cannot stress that.

I really don't have people that much. I mostly like anyone and everyone, no matter what they've done in the past.

Everyone should read Perks of Being a Wallflower. To say the least, this is the best book I have personally ever read, and I recomend everyone to it and I hope they enjoy reading it as much as I did. I would fall in love with the character. He's my Harry Potter.

So I kinda like this boy. ((Krista, it's not the one you're thinking about. Not the one from M.))And he kinda doesn't like me back. I need someone to talk to about this problem. I really do. I think about him a lot. Not about the nasty things most guys and some girls think about doing. But the beautiful things every relationship should have. I don't want to mess around with him. I just want to hold him close. Close enough to hear his heart beat, to feel him breath, to feel the energy in his fingertips. I want to fall in love in the summer. That's what I really want. As I write this I'm getting emotional as it is.

I think I'm seriously depressed. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm telling you I think way too much.

Maybe this whole poetry chapter we're doing in Language Arts will help me. I think I'm a good writer sometimes. I'm very good at writing my feelings down.

If anyone has any suggestions as to help fix me, that would be wonderful.